The hardest thing I’m currently going through is waiting.
Every month I wait for that stick to have two pink lines and every month I left feeling broken and discouraged.
It’s exhausting. Emotionally and physically exhausting.
I see friends and family who announce their pregnancies on Facebook and I should be happy for them, but it’s hard because there is this longing desire to have another baby.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m very thankful for my life and all that I have been given. Especially a healthy little boy. But I want that little boy to have a little brother or sister (probably brother with the Kolb boy genes being very strong). I never want him to think like he wasn’t enough, because he is, and if I’m never meant to have another baby, I will spend my life loving the son I have. However, I have a longing desire to grow our family from three to four.
During this time of waiting, I’m realizing one thing. I need to seek first His Kingdom.
God is the ultimate comforter. He knows our path before us. I talked yesterday about Him being the author, the writer of our story and it’s going to be better than the one we have in mind. But, knowing that is one thing, acting on it is another. I may know that He is in control but I need to take that knowledge and put into play in my life.
“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Matthew 6:33 ESV
My relationship with my Father needs to be what I seek first. I need to long for Him. To study His word and apply it to my life. God is there, waiting for us to do so. I spend every morning reading His word, studying His word and making sure my relationship with Him is where it needs to be. I was reading posts from my friend Jessica at Grace While We Wait, that really got my heart moving. Our relationship with the Father affects our life in every way possible and we need to put our faith, our hope and our trust in Him. To guide us, to answer our prayers and to hold our hands while we are broken.
“Strengthen the weak hands, and make firm the feeble knees. say to those who have an anxious heart, “Be strong! fear not! Behold your God will come…” Isaiah 35:3-4 ESV
With your brokenness, come to the Father. Seek Him first. Instead of running away, run to the Father. Seek Him, know Him, and He will bless you. Build your relationship with Him so that when you feel weak, when you feel broken and discouraged that He is the one you turn to. He will make you whole.