To the Woman Waiting,
I know exactly how you feel because, I am you. For months my husband and I have been trying to have another baby because we want more kids. We want to be parents again. We want Michael to be a big brother. Each month when the stick turns negative or that lovely period arrives, it’s a huge disappointment. You may even feel like you’re the only one but you’re not. There’s women out there dealing with the same thing you are.
A month ago my stick finally turned to positive. I was going to be a mommy again and Michael was going to be a big brother. I couldn’t be happier. Then four days later, the doctor called to confirm that I had a miscarriage. I shed many tears that day. Tears of sorrow, tears of confusion, tears of anger and tears of frustration and disappointment. I convinced myself that I wouldn’t let this keep me down. That I would be okay and that we could try again. I cried what I thought were all my tears and wanted to be back to normal.
Then this month rolled around and I got my period again and reality hit that once again, I was not pregnant. I’ve either seen or heard of friends and relatives either having babies or finding out they are pregnant and each news was a stab to my heart. I felt like I should be happy for them but I wasn’t and you know what? It’s okay. It’s okay if you feel sad, hurt, angry, frustrated or disappointed.
Sometimes, life can seem downright unfair. You see friends or family that just seem to be able to pregnant without even trying. You hear about people who don’t want their children, who give up their children and who don’t like being parents. It’s in those moments where you wonder why you can’t be blessed with a child because you love him and care for him they way he deserves to be loved. You would give almost anything to be called mom.
You walk through Target and you go to the baby section wishing and praying that you could be pregnant. You look at all the cute little clothes and your heart breaks. You want to go shopping. You want to decorate the nursery but for some reason, it’s just not your time.
I just want to you know, that even during this frustrating and disappointing time in your life, God has a plan for you. It doesn’t always seem clear and it doesn’t necessarily make your pain go away, but in God’s time, that baby will be there to love. That baby will show up one way or another. Whether you were blessed with a pregnancy or you were blessed with adoption. God has a baby in mind for you and when you hold that baby for the first time, you will know that all of this waiting was worth it. This waiting period will make you love that baby even more than you can imagine.
So the next time the stick reads negative or your period shows up at 3 a.m. remember that God is in control and have faith in Him.
A Waiting Mom