God’s Story | Infertility

If you are anything like me, you’re a planner. I plan things way in advance because I like to be organized and prepared. Which also means, I’ve planned when I’m having kids. We had our first April 2015 and I knew I wanted my kids about 2 years apart because 1) I want them to be close together in age 2)we want 4 kids and 3)I would ideally like to be done having kids by the time I’m 30 so I’m young enough to enjoy life with them. So this past September we got cracking at trying to have baby number 2. I thought it would be easy. We conceived Michael the very first month of trying and since my body has already had a baby, I figured, well it will be easy this next time. I was wrong. I was very very wrong and baby number 2 is not going according to plan.

That’s where I struggle. That’s where I ask “why.” A lot. But I have to remember, I’m not the writer of my story, God is. He is the author, I’m the main character. Do you remember creative writing or English class at all? When we are taught about writing the characters, the plot, the sequence, everything? God has our whole life story planned out. He knows how it started, He knows how it will end and everything in between. My life is already written, I just don’t know the ending. Which can be scary to an unbeliever or someone weak in their faith, but knowing that God is in control of my life is a comfort. “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer,” – Romans 12:12. I have hope that God, in His time, will bless me with another little. He knows the desires of my heart. He knows what my life will bring and I take comfort, I find hope and peace in that.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God,” – Philippians 4:6. It’s hard to not be anxious, especially when you’re a planner, but with anxiousness comes stress. When you are struggling and your life seems “out of control,” remember that God is in control. Even though He knows your future, even thought He knows how your story ends, take comfort in prayer. Have faith and trust in Him. Be thankful for all that He has given you. You are undeserving of it all. But He gave us grace. He gave us everything we have, everything we hold dear.

We know what we want in this life and for most of us, that’s a baby. Such a simple request to give love to a tiny little. We have the story we want in our heads but the reality is, it may not be reality. God is writing us a story far better than the one we have in mind. It may be completely different than the one we have in mind but it will be better. He is in control and He is the author. The story that is unfolding before us can be a scary one because we don’t know how it will end. But have faith and hope in God. We are in His hands and where better could we be? We have the biggest security blanket by knowing He is there. His story may be the desires of our heart or it may be to further His kingdom. No matter the outcome, no matter the ending of your story, use it to glorify Him. That’s our purpose on this earth anyway. We live our lives to glorify Him. Take comfort. Take comfort in knowing that the Creator, the Author of your life and your Father has a plan for you life. He has a plan for your plan. He will never give you more than you can handle. It may not take away any pain right away or make your life easier in the moment, but when you look back on this moment, you will see just what He has done for you. You will see exactly what His story is for you throughout this journey.

“I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I hope,” – Psalm 130:5.