First off, backstory. My husband and I are apart of a life group with our church (fancy word for small group) and we get together every other Tuesday with three other couples. Currently we are going through a couples book study and I find the content extremely helpful and enlightening that I just had to share this with you. Last night was our first night diving into the book. Every other Wednesday I’m going to share with you what we studied and some of my opinions on how I feel. The books we are studying is For Women Only and For Men Only. We are reading our designated books and then discussing the chapters as a group to see if our spouses feel the same way.
Alright, enough of the boring stuff. Let’s dive in. The first two chapters we covered in For Women Only were called The Performance of a Lifetime and Your Love is Not Enough. Let’s talk about the first chapter. You’re probably thinking what does the Performance of a Lifetime mean. In layman’s terms, your husband feels like an impostor. What?! An impostor? Yes. Men have this self-set standard or “front” that they think they have to live up to both at work and at home and they don’t want anyone to know they may not actually have it “all together.” For example, if you ask most men if they could fix the sink, they will tell you “ya I can do that” but secretly have no idea how to fix it but are going to figure it out because they don’t want you to know that they don’t know. But there also the guy’s who will admit that they don’t know how to do it. It’s kind of like their pride. They don’t want their boss, their wife, coworkers, children, family members that they don’t have it all put together. So as wives, we need to be more attentive and let them know that we believe in them. Us wives hold a lot of power. We can easily tear and build up our husband. So next time you’re not sure if he knows what he is doing, instill that confidence in him, let him know you believe in him.
Also, did you know, that your love is not enough. That’s right. It sounds crazy, but it’s true. Most husbands want respect. They feel more loved when you respect them than when you say “I love you.” That seems strange to us women who are all emotional. But that’s how different we are wired. The book highlighted 5 areas that we need to show our husband respect for him to actually feel loved. 1) Respect his judgement, 2) Respect his abilities, 3) Respect in communication, 4) Respect in public and 5) Respect in their assumptions. If you are me, this is very confusing because how I am I supposed to ask simple questions without him thinking I’m being disrespectful. So I asked my husband. How am I supposed to know if you are going to fix the backdoor if I don’t ask you. Or if you know how to do something if I don’t ask. His answer: delivery. We don’t have to walk on eggshells around them, but we need to pay attention to how we deliver our questions and what words we use. Our husbands egos are very fragile and we need to be more attentive to how we word our questions or simple communications to make sure we don’t tear down our husband.
I’ll summarize the men’s chapters quickly in case it’s something that you would like to work on with your husband. The chapters the men read are Your Real Job is Closer to Home and The Deal is Never Closed. First chapter basically says that as wives, we would rather have financial stress and a happy marriage than the other way around. The chapter says that as men, they believe we want money. Not gold diggers per-say but just that we want money to be able to pay bills and have extra to go and do things. But what our husbands don’t understand is that we would rather them work less, bring home a little less and actually spend time together. It’s a shocker to them. But if it’s something you agree with, have an open conversation about it with your husband, in a way that shows him love through respect. (See what I did there).
The last chapter’s tagline is “why her ‘I do’ will always mean ‘do you?'” Simply put, wives don’t always feel loved. We may know our husbands love us, but we don’t always feel it. Find out what makes you feel the most loved and talk to your husband about it.
Well ladies, I really hope this week’s bible study was a little eye-opening to you. It was to me. It helped my husband and I to realize what areas in our marriage that need to be worked on. How we can show our love to our spouse the way they need it. So we can build each other up and not tear each other down. It’s definitely something that needs to be self-fixed because it’s your behavior, words or actions that are making your spouse feel a certain way. But you don’t know it until you talk about it. That’s about all I have for you today. If you like this and found it helpful, be sure to come back in two weeks when we discuss more chapters!